[Media-watch] Flee America

Thu Jan 6 14:52:48 GMT 2005

http://www.alternet.org/story/20875/

FleeAmerica.com
By Barbara Ehrenreich, The Progressive
Posted on January 4, 2005, Printed on January 5, 2005

Welcome to the Web site that matches you with a NEW country appropriate to
your personal tastes and values! You wouldn't want to keep a spouse or a
job that you've grown estranged from, and there's no reason to be stuck
with a nationality that doesn't reflect the REAL you. After all, your
nationality is one of the few things you can change WITHOUT SURGERY, simply
by filling out the forms below, including your up-to-date passport and
credit card numbers.

Many people write to ask: Am I betraying my country by leaving? The answer
is NO, your country has already betrayed you. Maybe you grew up believing
America meant bacon cheeseburgers, Martin Luther King, rock 'n' roll, and
Saturday afternoon softball. But – as you've probably noticed – the
operative images in the world today are Abu Ghraib, Condi Rice, and the
flattening of Fallujah.

And when you first pledged your allegiance to "one nation under God," you
probably didn't realize that God would be delegating much of the day-to-day
managerial responsibility to James Dobson and Tom DeLay. It's America
that's changed – not you!

The good news is that there are a lot more countries out there than the
U.S. media are generally aware of. France, for example, with its ample
coastline and curiously creamy cuisine. China, with its fascinating blend
of runaway capitalism and communist repression. Or if you're looking for
something REALLY different: Ecuador, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and
Venezuela now all have democratically elected left-wing leaders. How exotic
is that?

Note: Some of the alternative nations previously offered on this site are
no longer available. A year and a half ago, shortly after Colin Powell
announced that there would be free health care and education in Iraq,
FleeAmerica.com heavily promoted that beautiful, ancient, multicultural
site, and thousands of Americans applied for relocation to it. Since then,
however, Iraq has experienced a steadily worsening shortage of viable
physical structures – apartment buildings, hospitals, schools – and we have
been forced to withdraw it from the list.

Also, we have taken the pre-emptive move of removing Norway from the list
of alternative nations, despite the lovely fjords, smoked fish, and free
higher education. As a small, oil-rich country, Norway runs too high a risk
of being the neocons' next invasion site.

To help us match you to a country, please answer the following questions.

The most surprising thing I learned during the recent presidential election
season was:

1. that most Ohioans and Floridians who voted for Bush were so ashamed of
their choice that they lied in the exit polls
2. that John Kerry counterfeited his Vietnam war medals out of Teresa's
melted-down jewelry
3. that so few of my red-state neighbors routinely sacrifice sheep and
goats as required by the Old Testament

My primary reason for re-nationalizing is:

1. eagerness to marry someone of a similar sex
2. desire to escape all references to Sponge Bob
3. need to fill a prescription
4. concern that my children will watch a pornographic film on TV, like
"Saving Private Ryan"

Language capabilities (check all that apply):

1. I can say "where are the restrooms?" and "I didn't vote for Bush" in two
or more languages
2. I believe most people can understand English if you speak loudly enough
3. Pouilly fuissé is best served (a) on toast, (b) cold, (c) boiled with
mustard
4. Prefer to abstain from communication until I have something nice to say

Tastes and values:

1. I was disgusted by the sight of Nicollette Sheridan's naked back in the
NFL promotional video
2. I was sorry not to see Nicollette Sheridan's naked front in the recent
NFL promotional video
3. I feel that this scandal, along with Janet Jackson's nipple, has
received insufficient media coverage and that, if Scott had known about
abortion, Laci would still be alive
4. The food at the Olive Garden is spicy enough for me, thank you

Governmental preferences: I enjoy (check all that apply):

1. leadership from within the reality-based community
2. voting on machines manufactured by a major contributor to the Republican
Party (Diebold, for example) after waiting 4 hours in the rain
3. scientific medical care as a supplement to prayer
4. rule of law, any law

GREAT! You're halfway there! We'll e-mail you your country match tomorrow.

Of course, some of your friends and family may choose to remain behind.
There are people who take a somewhat inflexible view of "patriotism," just
as there are people who never give up on their first, childish,
seventh-grade object of infatuation. Perversely, these diehards think it's
their RESPONSIBILITY to remain in their country of origin just as it
becomes an international source of terror and a mockery of democratic
governance. Whether out of masochism or misdirected altruism, they feel
OBLIGED to stay and straighten things out.

To them we say: Can't you take a hint? Would you loiter at a party where
gross drunken acts are being performed and, on top of that, people are
dissing you everywhere you turn?

We also say to them: Bravo and hasta la vista! We'll be back when you've
got America, as we knew it, up and running again. 

-- 

Whatever you Wanadoo:
http://www.wanadoo.co.uk/time/

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